Hi Kassandra,
Welcome to Librivox. Well, this reading certainly is a little different from your first.
I enjoyed your reading, especially the little French accent at the end.
Before we get to the other stuff, just a little comment on your reading. Your voice is very pleasant to listen to, and your sentence phrasing is good. But there is just one little general comment. Many people when they beginning reading for listening purposes, have a tendency to really drag. Long pauses between phrases in a sentence, pauses between sentences, and sometimes extremely long pauses between paragraphs (sometimes over two seconds). You certainly didn't have that problem. To my ear, you kind of rushed it a little so as not to have the pausing problem. A little break between sentences and maybe a quarter second or so between paragraphs might help just a little. Some times it sounded a little frenetic, like you had somewhere to go. Not really necessary to correct here, but for future consideration.
When it comes to correcting errors, it is best to start at the last one on the list and work forward towards the beginning of the recordings, as that leave the 'time stamps' correct.
Here are a few things you might want to look at:
At the beginning of your recording could you cut the silence down to between .5 a 1 seconds?
1:14.5
Vice has a degrading and demoralizing influence and its victim, You said
on. Errors like this are easily made. As we read the sentence, we 'see' what we expect to see in the context of the sentence, especially if we read it 'cold'. In this case, there is kind of an implied comma after 'influence, and then the clause after victim kind of explains why the word is 'and' not on.
5:53
and was sorry for what had happened, You added the word
so between was and sorry. And left out the word
had. In Standard Pling we are to only point out errors that change the meaning of the sentence, but the final decision is up to the reader. You can not agree with my idea and leave it in, just make a comment to let me know. This is an example of a case like that. The words don't really make a large difference, but they are different from the text, soooooo your call.
6:02.5
The celebration consisted in tucking away many cocktails and highballs, You added the word
of between away and many. I have found that the written word of a century or more ago is not the same structure or choice of words we use today. It can really be tricky to read exactly what is on the page rather than how we would say it today.
7:14
She let it be understood at the start You added the word
that between understood and at
7:57.5
If I see you speaking to any of the other girls, You left out the words
any of. Minor, but important I think.
8:39.5
Then it was that the quarrels began, The first part of this is muddled. Like you made and error then tried to correct it. In a case like this, just go ahead and re-record the whole sent' or pharase.
9:16
Her neck hurt her, and when she looked in the mirror she saw the marks of his strong fingers You left out the word
her
10:08
and who makes merchandise and capital of her favors. You left out
and
11:44
was there a brief struggle You said
there was. Again minor, but give a different feeling to the sentence.
Also, running your recording through Checker, it show a volume of about 87.6 dB, which is at the lower range of the LV target which is 89.0 dB. So if you could also raise the volume up about 1.5 dB, that would be great as well.
Also, if you didn't see it, you might read the note I left above about the .mp3 file name extension. Since you will me making changes to the recording, when you re-upload this, just cut off the last .mp3 from the file name.
Please don't get discouraged. You sound like you are enjoying this, so keep it up and I am looking forward to listening to more of your work.
Thanks,
Wayne
