As we mostly seem to be Bulwer-Lytton fans here I thought I should let everyone know that the Bulwer-Lytton Contest has announced its 2012 Bad First Sentence winners.
And in honor of BL's public domain works (which can be found here on Librivox, naturally), is the original sentence that started it all
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
My favourite is right towards the end in the Miscellaneous Dishonourable Mentions section....
Ronald left this world as he entered it: on a frigid winter night, amid frantic screams and blood-soaked linens, while relatives stood nearby and muttered furious promises to find and punish the man responsible. — Rebecca Oas, Atlanta, GA
Though the ornithologist is rather special.
There's honestly no such thing as a stupid question -- but I'm afraid I can't rule out giving a stupid answer : : To Posterity and Beyond!
She slinked through my door wearing a dress that looked like it had been painted on … not with good paint, like Behr or Sherwin-Williams, but with that watered-down stuff that bubbles up right away if you don’t prime the surface before you slap it on, and – just like that cheap paint – the dress needed two more coats to cover her. — Sue Fondrie, Appleton, WI
Her fixed gaze at dinner reminded him so much of an owl that he found himself wondering when she would regurgitate her meal into a pellet and told the waitress they didn’t need a dessert menu.
ROFL.
Back before there was an internet, they used to publish these in books. We'd give them to my dad for Christmas and he'd read them aloud to us, while we howled with laughter. :)
Kara http://kayray.org/
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"Mary wished to say something very sensible into her Zoom H2 Handy Recorder, but knew not how." -- Jane Austen (& Kara)