COMPLETE[PLAY]A Country Mouse, by Arthur Law - thw

[wib66]

Here is Act 1 for this project
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:42

[benderca]

Here is Act 1 for this project
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:42

Do you have someone to PL the finished acts yet? I could do it if you don't.

[wib66]

Here is Act 1 for this project
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:42

Do you have someone to PL the finished acts yet? I could do it if you don't.

That would be great thank you so much

[wib66]

Here is Act 2 for PL

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_02_law_128kb.mp3
47:56

[wib66]

Here is Act 3

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_03_law_128kb.mp3
53:18

[benderca]

I listened to Act 1 -- Very nicely edited, Michele! I have a few suggestions, mostly tiny things, like tightening spaces between lines or removing unnecessary stage directions. As always, you can take them or leave them, as you see fit.

0:49 Footman read by... (missing reader's name)

1:30 Stage Director leaves out the second "B" in "BowlBy" - It sounds like "Bowly".

8:51 I would tighten the space between Lady Silvia's and Violet's lines so that it sounds more like Violet is finishing Lady Silvia's sentence (as is intended):
Lady S. And you would let him believe --
Violet: I'm married? Precisely.

12:22-24 I would cut out stage directions "laughs" as Vyse clearly laughs, so it is not necessary.
12:30-31 Same here - cut out stage directions "laughs" as the Duke clearly laughs.
12:41-42 Same here - cut out stage directions "laughs" as the Lord R. clearly laughs.

15:27-29 I suggest tightening up the space between the two lines as the Duke is meant to cut Vyse off and stop him from going in to Angela:
Vyse. I'll go and --
Duke. No. (rises and stops Vyse).

15:41-42 I would remove the stage directions "chuckling" as the Duke audibly chuckles.

19:11-12 I would tighten up the space between Vyse's and Sylvia's lines, so it sounds more like Vyse is cutting her off to correct her.
Lady S. When Tennyson wrote --
Vyse: Lovelace, Lovelace.

20:06 There is a little sound before Angela's "I do, very much" - maybe half a breath, but it sounds distracting. I suggest removing it.

20:58-20:59 I suggest tightening the space between the Duke's "Is that so?" and Angela's "Oh yes." (It sounds like she is getting more and more excited and would jump right in with her "Oh yes." ).

22:56-22:58 I would cut out the stage directions "Violet. (to Angela)" as it is clear from the content that Violet is responding to Angela's question, and Angela comments right afterwards. The dialogue would flow a bit smoother here without the unnecessary stage direction.

27:49-50 I would take out stage direction "laughing" as Angela laughs quite a bit...

40:29-40:30 I suggest removing stage directions "chuckles" as the Duke chuckles right before it.

Also during the very first scene with only Violet and Lady Silvia, Silvia's voice sounds a little quiet in contrast to Violet's. It's fine as is, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Nicely acted, Everyone! What a great cast!

[wib66]

I listened to Act 1 -- Very nicely edited, Michele! I have a few suggestions, mostly tiny things, like tightening spaces between lines or removing unnecessary stage directions. As always, you can take them or leave them, as you see fit.

Hi I have carried out the edits where it is reducing spaces and re recording lines however we are not able to remove stage directions as this constitutes altering the original script. Thank you for your thorough PL ing it is now ready for a spot PL

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:28

[benderca]

I listened to Act 1 -- Very nicely edited, Michele! I have a few suggestions, mostly tiny things, like tightening spaces between lines or removing unnecessary stage directions. As always, you can take them or leave them, as you see fit.

Hi I have carried out the edits where it is reducing spaces and re recording lines however we are not able to remove stage directions as this constitutes altering the original script. Thank you for your thorough PL ing it is now ready for a spot PL

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:28

We actually cut out superfluous stage directions all the time in the librivox audioplays, especially those that hinder the flow and the understanding of the story. As the author just adds them as an aid to the actor, they are not considered part of the script. In the stage play the stage directions are left out completely. In the audio-production, we put them in to help the listener follow the missing visuals.

I would highly recommend cutting out at least the 3 "laughs," which the stage director says right after each of the 3 men laugh (12:11 - 12:31), and the word "laughing," which comes right before Angela's long laugh (27:35), so as not to destroy the theatrical illusion (It sounds really awkward as is).

All your other revisions are beautifully done. It sounds great! Thanks. PL OK!

[wib66]

I listened to Act 1 -- Very nicely edited, Michele! I have a few suggestions, mostly tiny things, like tightening spaces between lines or removing unnecessary stage directions. As always, you can take them or leave them, as you see fit.

Hi I have carried out the edits where it is reducing spaces and re recording lines however we are not able to remove stage directions as this constitutes altering the original script. Thank you for your thorough PL ing it is now ready for a spot PL

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3

47:28

We actually cut out superfluous stage directions all the time in the librivox audioplays, especially those that hinder the flow and the understanding of the story. As the author just adds them as an aid to the actor, they are not considered part of the script. In the stage play the stage directions are left out completely. In the audio-production, we put them in to help the listener follow the missing visuals.

I would highly recommend cutting out at least the 3 "laughs," which the stage director says right after each of the 3 men laugh (12:11 - 12:31), and the word "laughing," which comes right before Angela's long laugh (27:35), so as not to destroy the theatrical illusion (It sounds really awkward as is).

All your other revisions are beautifully done. It sounds great! Thanks. PL OK!

Hi thank you for that I have now carried out the other edits as well. It is now ready for a final PL if you don't mind many thanks

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3
47:14

[benderca]

Hi thank you for that I have now carried out the other edits as well. It is now ready for a final PL if you don't mind many thanks

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3
47:14

Fantastic! Act 1 is PL OK!

Nice editing, Michele. I'll try to get to the next two acts in the next couple of days.
TJ

[wib66]

Hi thank you for that I have now carried out the other edits as well. It is now ready for a final PL if you don't mind many thanks

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_01_law_128kb.mp3
47:14

Fantastic! Act 1 is PL OK!

Nice editing, Michele. I'll try to get to the next two acts in the next couple of days.
TJ

Thank you

[benderca]

Notes for Act 2:

3:57-3:58 There's a breath between Angela's line "I told him, dear -- " and the stage directions, "going to Violet," that doesn't sound like it belongs there (it's probably mine ), but you might want to cut it out.

11:29-11:30 I suggest removing "chuckles" as he has just chuckled.

12:11-12:13 Violet should say, "You are entirely mistaken. He was striking a match." But she says instead, "He was a striking match," which changes the meaning to quite the opposite of what was intended. The Duke is implying he overheard Wyckham and Violet kissing, but Violet is offering up an alternative (reputation-protecting) explanation for the "sound": "He was striking a match." If Violet says, "He was a striking match," it sounds like she is owning it (you go, girl!), but quite out of character for her...

14:33-14:45 MISSING: Duke's line: "Very well, then; we'll fetch it together." It goes between stage directions "DUKE. (outside)" and stage directions "Enter ANGELA and the DUKE."

20:07 MISSING: Violet's line: "Angela! Angela!" It goes between "VIOLET. (outside)" and ANGELA. (disengaging herself)"

I suggest you remove the following stage directions, as you say at the beginning of the exchange "The DUKE and VYSE are heard in altercation outside":

32:48 DUKE. (outside)
32:54 VYSE. (outside)
32:57 DUKE. (outside)
33:01 VYSE. (outside)
33:05 DUKE. (outside)

39:10 It seems like the last syllable of the last word of Lady Sylivia's line is cut off "quite plainLY."

39:51 It seems the last part of Lady Sylvia's word "age" is cut off.

40:22 The "-LY" is cut off of Lady Sylvia's last word "seriously".

41:35 "You poor foolish" is MISSING from the Lady Sylvia's line "You poor foolish child."

41:40 The last two words "to you?" are missing from Lady Sylvia's line: "And how long has he been making love to you?"

41:45 Lady Sylvia's last word "means" has been cut off.

42:13 "-ably" has been cut off of Lady Sylvia's "but let me tell you that he is behaving abominably."

44:25 "all" has been cut off the end of Lady Sylvia's line "that is all."

46:07 "-ant" has been cut off the end of Lady Sylvia's line "for an instant."



Ooooh, I love the end with the laughter just before the end of the act! Nice!

[wib66]

Thank you I have contacted the readers about the missing lines and I will carry out the other edits as well

[alanmapstone]

Duke missing line

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_dukeofstkitts_2_missingline.mp3

I have tried to make this sound a bit distanced as I think the Duke is off stage at this point.

[wib66]

Duke missing line

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/countrymouse_dukeofstkitts_2_missingline.mp3

I have tried to make this sound a bit distanced as I think the Duke is off stage at this point.

Thank you much appreciated