You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If...
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
4. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
5. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
6. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
7. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
8. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
9. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
10. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
11. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
12. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
Tell a joke
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MultiMrWeb
- Posts: 195
- Joined: January 8th, 2013, 12:04 pm
- Location: Oklahoma/Texas area
OH YEAH!!! that's awesome!!
Great Joke!!
Great Joke!!
An old married couple had a fight. Both the husband and wife were very stubborn people, and they stayed angry at each other all day. That evening, as they were driving down the road, they passed a field full of mules. The husband nodded over at the animals.
"Relatives of yours?" he asked his wife.
"Yep," she replied with a smile. "In-laws."
"Relatives of yours?" he asked his wife.
"Yep," she replied with a smile. "In-laws."
Between being a full-time college student and working 20+ hours per week, I'm not able to be involved at LV these days, but I remain a loyal fan and look forward to a triumphant return sometime in the (probably distant) future.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I supect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you? "
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/sherlockholmesjoke.html
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/sherlockholmesjoke.html
Michele
When you're having what you feel like is a 'bad day' and then someone comes along out of nowhere and extends to you the simplest of kind gestures, you feel it so deeply within your heart.” ―Miya Yamanouchi
When you're having what you feel like is a 'bad day' and then someone comes along out of nowhere and extends to you the simplest of kind gestures, you feel it so deeply within your heart.” ―Miya Yamanouchi
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KiltedDragon
- LibriVox Admin Team
- Posts: 6937
- Joined: February 23rd, 2009, 11:37 am
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THE SHOEBOX
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
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KiltedDragon
- LibriVox Admin Team
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- Joined: February 23rd, 2009, 11:37 am
- Location: Full time RVer
- Contact:
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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aradlaw
- LibriVox Admin Team
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- Location: Ottawa, Ontario
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A Touching Golf Story
Ray stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here'.
Ray stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here'.
David Lawrence
* Weekly & Fortnightly Poetry - Check out the Short Works forum for the latest projects!
* Weekly & Fortnightly Poetry - Check out the Short Works forum for the latest projects!
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TriciaG
- LibriVox Admin Team
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- Joined: June 15th, 2008, 10:30 pm
- Location: Toronto, ON (but Minnesotan to age 32)
I was drinking when I got to the punchline. Bad decision.aradlaw wrote:A Touching Golf Story
Ray stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here'.
School fiction: David Blaize
America Exploration: The First Four Voyages of Amerigo Vespucci
Serial novel: The Wandering Jew
Medieval England meets Civil War Americans: Centuries Apart
America Exploration: The First Four Voyages of Amerigo Vespucci
Serial novel: The Wandering Jew
Medieval England meets Civil War Americans: Centuries Apart
A day in the life of a Greek tailor:
"Euminides?"
"Yes, Euripedes?"
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Boomcoach
"Euminides?"
"Yes, Euripedes?"
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Boomcoach
If I was God, I would still be an atheist; I've never had faith in myself.
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Boomcoach
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Boomcoach
Last one for tonight:
I went into a bar in southern Indiana. Sitting at the bar, I ordered a beer an then told the bartender, "Come here! I have a great Kentucky joke!"
The bartender looked at me for a minute, then said, "OK, but I have to warn you, I was a linebacker for UK. This guy next to you wrestled for UK, and the guy behind you is a hand to hand specialist in the Kentucky National Guard. Go ahead, tell your joke."
I looked around, then back at the bartender. "Never mind, it's not funny enough to explain three times!"
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Boomcoach
I went into a bar in southern Indiana. Sitting at the bar, I ordered a beer an then told the bartender, "Come here! I have a great Kentucky joke!"
The bartender looked at me for a minute, then said, "OK, but I have to warn you, I was a linebacker for UK. This guy next to you wrestled for UK, and the guy behind you is a hand to hand specialist in the Kentucky National Guard. Go ahead, tell your joke."
I looked around, then back at the bartender. "Never mind, it's not funny enough to explain three times!"
------
Boomcoach
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KiltedDragon
- LibriVox Admin Team
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- Joined: February 23rd, 2009, 11:37 am
- Location: Full time RVer
- Contact:
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.