That took me a bit longer than expected but here are notes:
0:16 - “ Everybody’s Husband by Richard Ryan” should be moved to the beginning
0:55, 0:58, 1:08 – as the directions were at the beginning of the line, you needed to include the character’s names
1:24 – repeated two lines, incorrect section from 1:10 to 1:18 should be deleted
3:31 – small matter here but I think the change would add to it, I heard ‘bell rings’ instead of ‘bells ring’
5:23 – ‘Twissleton’ can be deleted
5:38 and 5:55 – can be deleted, second one is an extra aside, first one maybe an editing note?
6:39 , 6:54 – can be deleted (editing note?)
16:51 – heard ‘chair’ instead of ‘seat’ (I know plays tend to be more specific with wording)
20:15 – missing line “Aside to Mrs. Pimpernel”
28:31 – 28:35 – I’ll let Devorah decide if it is necessary to keep, I would recommend moving it up earlier to the other place you mention the cast of characters
Overall, please take another look at your spacing in between lines (I am not including timestamps as this happens with most of the lines). Some are way too long (over 10 seconds is way overkill, please cut those down so it’s easier to listen to and stuff), and some are too short with under 2 seconds. In addition, you had a tendency to leave long spaces in the middle of your lines which should be cut down. Again, I am not including timestamps as it is quite frequent.
Overall, these stage directions are tricky and I think you did a good job with it. Nice work.