OPEN[PLAY]One Act Play Collection 014 - thw

Plays and other dramatic works
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benderca
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Post by benderca » November 18th, 2020, 11:57 am

TriciaG wrote:
November 18th, 2020, 10:20 am
If it's OK with you, I plan on adding our Zoom play to this collection when it's finished. It didn't go quite according to plan (we had 3 roles unclaimed in the meeting), so I'm waiting on lines from those and will edit them in as usual, and present you with the finished product.

Do you have a finished-play DPL, or shall I find one for my play on my own? :)
What's the Zoom play, Tricia? I'd like to participate in the next one! :D
Thanks,
TJ

OooThatsNifty
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Post by OooThatsNifty » November 18th, 2020, 5:07 pm

Christopher Cockles of The Bloomer Costume, reporting in:

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/bloomercostume_cockles_stirling.mp3
Time: 14:13

Thanks!
Studies in Stagecraft, by Clayton Hamilton - More essays on / criticism of early 20th Century theatre. Plenty of sections up for grabs!


ktaylor07
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Post by ktaylor07 » November 19th, 2020, 7:00 am

OooThatsNifty wrote:
November 18th, 2020, 5:07 pm
Christopher Cockles of The Bloomer Costume, reporting in:

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/bloomercostume_cockles_stirling.mp3
Time: 14:13

Thanks!
Hooray! Hooray! :D :D

Great reading of the part! Delightfully devious and completely without scruples! You did a wonderful job of navigating Cockle's many split-second mood changes and rapid-fire "tactical adjustments" he keeps making to his persuasive approach to Patty, Nick, and his customers... sometimes changing from cajoling to threatening mid-sentence! Good work!

Christopher Cockles is PL OK :thumbs:

ktaylor07
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Post by ktaylor07 » November 19th, 2020, 7:02 am

Eliza Todd from "Bloomer Costume" is PL OK too.

I hope to have the show ready to post sometime later today.

mightyfelix
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Post by mightyfelix » November 19th, 2020, 7:04 am

So exciting! I'm looking forward to hearing that one! Speaking of which... Do you have a PL for the completed play? I'll gladly take it on if not.

ktaylor07
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Post by ktaylor07 » November 19th, 2020, 7:10 am

mightyfelix wrote:
November 19th, 2020, 7:04 am
So exciting! I'm looking forward to hearing that one! Speaking of which... Do you have a PL for the completed play? I'll gladly take it on if not.
It's pretty cute so far! I've already put together the "fight scene" at the end. Very funny!

No, I don't have a DPL, so yes, thanks!

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Post by ktaylor07 » November 19th, 2020, 8:39 am


ToddHW
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Post by ToddHW » November 19th, 2020, 8:57 am

Thank you.

Please note that you have the wrong file name - see the note for your play in the MW. I chose the file names so that everything sorts properly at Archive.org.

Thanks, Todd

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Post by mightyfelix » November 19th, 2020, 9:43 pm

ktaylor07 wrote:
November 19th, 2020, 8:39 am
Okay -- Here is "The Bloomer Costume"

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/oneactplays014_03_bloomercostume_stirling_128kb.mp3

35:24
Nice job, Kelly, especially for a first time editor! :clap: Dramatic editing is more art than science, and a lot of it is personal style, so I've made several suggestions below, but most of them are only suggestions for improvement, not things that must be corrected. This includes many spots where I think you can cut the stage directions out to keep the scene flowing. Often, stage directions will specify something that the reader does well with their voice, like a laugh, a cough, a specific emotion, etc. In those cases, it's often redundant to keep the stage directions and slows the scene.

One more general comment regarding timing before I get to the specifics. I feel (and again, much of this is subjective) that a lot of these lines follow too closely after one another. My own rule of thumb is about half a second between lines. I'll do a little less if it's an emotionally charged situation, like an argument, and a little more if it's more of a pensive discussion, or if the characters might feel hesitant or shy. It helps if I picture people on a stage interacting with each other. Of course, because timing is rather subjective, there's no need to address it on this one. But you may want to keep it in mind if you do more of these in the future.

Now, on to the notes:

File name needs to be corrected, as Todd pointed out above.
0:16 Immediately after the disclaimer here, you've left five full seconds of silence. I think this is far too much. I would cut it down to no more than two or three.
1:51 On the other hand, you may want to add two or three seconds here, after the opening remarks. Currently, there is less than half a second. Not really time to absorb what has just been said, I think, before the cast starts in.
1:59 For some reason, instead of reading "Nobby Nick, his boy," as stated in the script, we have "Nobby Nick, his assistant." I notice that the MW says "assistant," so I presume that Adrian was reading from there. But I think this is maybe a case of changing the words as printed to something more palatable to modern ears. I think we need to stick to what's printed, and ask for a redo of this bit from Adrian.
11:22 This "&c" here should probably be either spoken by the narrator or cut. It doesn't seem in character for Cockles to say it here.
14:53-15:20 Volume seems a bit low here.
16:07 Cut "Laughs."
18:09-18:19 The narrator's voice announcing the song here can probably be cut. It slows things down without contributing to the action. I would at the very least cut the "Air: I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls," as that is just telling you what tune it is sung to.
21:27 You might consider also cutting "Cockles, laughs, goes to center" to make things flow better. He gave us a great laugh for this bit, and I'm not sure that it makes much of a difference that he's at center.
24:03 Cut "Nick, laughs."
25:03 Cut "faintly"
29:05 Cut "laughs"

Again, nice work. I hope that you enjoyed the process. :)

ktaylor07
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Post by ktaylor07 » November 20th, 2020, 6:33 am

ToddHW wrote:
November 19th, 2020, 8:57 am
Thank you.

Please note that you have the wrong file name - see the note for your play in the MW. I chose the file names so that everything sorts properly at Archive.org.

Thanks, Todd
Sorry! I got confused and followed the file naming directions from the wrong part of the instructions. :oops:

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Post by ktaylor07 » November 20th, 2020, 6:38 am

mightyfelix wrote:
November 19th, 2020, 9:43 pm
ktaylor07 wrote:
November 19th, 2020, 8:39 am
Okay -- Here is "The Bloomer Costume"

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/oneactplays014_03_bloomercostume_stirling_128kb.mp3

35:24
Nice job, Kelly, especially for a first time editor! :clap: Dramatic editing is more art than science, and a lot of it is personal style, so I've made several suggestions below, but most of them are only suggestions for improvement, not things that must be corrected. This includes many spots where I think you can cut the stage directions out to keep the scene flowing. Often, stage directions will specify something that the reader does well with their voice, like a laugh, a cough, a specific emotion, etc. In those cases, it's often redundant to keep the stage directions and slows the scene.

One more general comment regarding timing before I get to the specifics. I feel (and again, much of this is subjective) that a lot of these lines follow too closely after one another. My own rule of thumb is about half a second between lines. I'll do a little less if it's an emotionally charged situation, like an argument, and a little more if it's more of a pensive discussion, or if the characters might feel hesitant or shy. It helps if I picture people on a stage interacting with each other. Of course, because timing is rather subjective, there's no need to address it on this one. But you may want to keep it in mind if you do more of these in the future.

Now, on to the notes:

File name needs to be corrected, as Todd pointed out above.
0:16 Immediately after the disclaimer here, you've left five full seconds of silence. I think this is far too much. I would cut it down to no more than two or three.
1:51 On the other hand, you may want to add two or three seconds here, after the opening remarks. Currently, there is less than half a second. Not really time to absorb what has just been said, I think, before the cast starts in.
1:59 For some reason, instead of reading "Nobby Nick, his boy," as stated in the script, we have "Nobby Nick, his assistant." I notice that the MW says "assistant," so I presume that Adrian was reading from there. But I think this is maybe a case of changing the words as printed to something more palatable to modern ears. I think we need to stick to what's printed, and ask for a redo of this bit from Adrian.
11:22 This "&c" here should probably be either spoken by the narrator or cut. It doesn't seem in character for Cockles to say it here.
14:53-15:20 Volume seems a bit low here.
16:07 Cut "Laughs."
18:09-18:19 The narrator's voice announcing the song here can probably be cut. It slows things down without contributing to the action. I would at the very least cut the "Air: I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls," as that is just telling you what tune it is sung to.
21:27 You might consider also cutting "Cockles, laughs, goes to center" to make things flow better. He gave us a great laugh for this bit, and I'm not sure that it makes much of a difference that he's at center.
24:03 Cut "Nick, laughs."
25:03 Cut "faintly"
29:05 Cut "laughs"

Again, nice work. I hope that you enjoyed the process. :)
Thanks for the input -- and for your wonderful performance as Patty! I'll get these things corrected asap.

ktaylor07
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Post by ktaylor07 » November 20th, 2020, 6:45 am

adrianstephens wrote:
September 10th, 2020, 11:20 am
adrianstephens wrote:
September 10th, 2020, 9:07 am
I would like to play Nobby Nick, section 15. Thank you.
Here he is: https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/thebloomercostume_nobbynick_stirling.mp3 @ 9:11
Sorry for not catching this sooner -- and making the error to begin with, but the PL has pointed out that while I put "Nobby Nick, his assistant" in the MW as a character identification, the script actually says "Nobby Nick, his boy." Would you make this change, please?

ArtemisBee
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Post by ArtemisBee » November 20th, 2020, 1:54 pm

Hello,

I've just uploaded Hester's role for Hester's Mystery: https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/hestersmystery_hester_pinero.mp3

Full disclosure, I've never recorded a role for a dramatic work, so I've tried to emulate how some other readers have delivered their readings. Let me know if there's any correction to be made! :)

Thanks,

EJ


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