[COMPLETE]If I Had a Father, by George MacDonald - kit

RajVO · Post by **RajVO** » March 8th, 2018, 11:54 am

mightyfelix wrote: ↑March 8th, 2018, 4:09 am Good question! All of it, please. I only mentioned the beginnings because I wanted to be sure that you knew not to omit the character names in those places. But yes, we need to hear all the other directions as well.

Edit: Or are you asking whether the name needs to be repeated within a character's line? If that's the question, no. We only need to hear the name if the direction comes at the beginning of a line. So for the above example, you would say "Threatening him with his stick" and "exit."
Sorry, it's early, and I'm still slow this morning.

Ok. Got it.
Char name in the beginning of the lines is surely needed.
Repetition wouldn't be necessary.

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 8th, 2018, 7:50 pm

silverquill wrote: ↑March 7th, 2018, 11:33 pm
Ha! We're lurking in the bushes somewhere.

I have my acts recorded for the Colonel, so now entering editing. Here is Act I:

https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_colonel_1_128kb.mp3

I hope I didn't make him too gruff. Just one minor misread about 12:20 - "Ain't" got upgraded. If you think it important enough, I'll do a new line for you. I gave it an extra listen, so I hope I didn't miss anything.

Great job! So dutiful and officious when your son is with you, such a tormented father when he's gone!

I don't mind the facelift you gave to "ain't" there. No errors and nothing missing.

Might I make one suggestion, however? At about 10:40, the line is "Yes, sir.—Forgot again. Young man;—gentleman or cad?—don't know; think the latter." Here Waterfield has neglected to tell you who he is so that you can pass along a message, and then disappeared without waiting for your answer. You, distracted as you were, forgot to ask his name. I'd suggest a slight pause after "Yes, sir" in which you suddenly realize that you don't know his name and have lost your opportunity to ask. The rest of the line is you asking yourself how you ought to describe him to your son, in lieu of giving his name.

Looking forward to the rest! Fantastic beginning!

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 8th, 2018, 7:54 pm

Oh, one last thing, Raj, that I thought of while looking over the script just now. When a character's name is abbreviated, please speak the whole name, as in "Mrs. Clifford," rather than "Mrs. C." I hope this doesn't cause you any lost labor!

silverquill · Post by **silverquill** » March 8th, 2018, 9:24 pm

Thanks for the feedback, Devorah! I'll sure take a listen to that exchange and see if I can improve on it.

RajVO · Post by **RajVO** » March 9th, 2018, 9:32 am

mightyfelix wrote: ↑March 8th, 2018, 7:54 pm Oh, one last thing, Raj, that I thought of while looking over the script just now. When a character's name is abbreviated, please speak the whole name, as in "Mrs. Clifford," rather than "Mrs. C." I hope this doesn't cause you any lost labor!

Yes. That was my thinking too.

bluechien · Post by **bluechien** » March 9th, 2018, 9:54 am

Can I claim third boy, please?

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 9th, 2018, 10:12 am

Perfect, thank you, Eva! Will update MW later.

SonOfTheExiles · Post by **SonOfTheExiles** » March 9th, 2018, 8:16 pm

Waterfield finished.

https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_1_128kb.mp3
https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_2_128kb.mp3
https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_4_128kb.mp3

Cheers,
Chris

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 10th, 2018, 12:26 am

SonOfTheExiles wrote: ↑March 9th, 2018, 8:16 pm Waterfield finished.

https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_1_128kb.mp3
https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_2_128kb.mp3
https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_waterfield_4_128kb.mp3

Cheers,
Chris

Bravo! Very well done! Just the right amount of slime, but every now and then you put on your "nice" voice, letting us get a glimpse of what Mattie must have seen in you to begin with. Also, I didn't realize until now just how much Waterfield really believes that money will buy him anything!

Nothing missing, and all acts are PL ok for you. Thank you!

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 10th, 2018, 12:29 am

Gervaise is orphaned!

SonOfTheExiles · Post by **SonOfTheExiles** » March 10th, 2018, 12:50 am

"Gervaise is orphaned!"

Pondering on the ironies of life, Mattie vows to chase the bad-boys in the future.

RajVO · Post by **RajVO** » March 12th, 2018, 11:35 pm

Here's my recording of Stage Directions Act-I, for PL.

https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_stagedirections_1_128kb.mp3
Duration is 10:23.

Post by **mightyfelix** » March 13th, 2018, 11:29 am

Very good, Raj, thank you! I think I'm going to like very much having you for our stage directions!

I do have a few notes for you. You had almost no missed lines, but a few things need to be tweaked.

0:40 You said "Gervaise throws a wet cloth over the clay." You actually do not need to state his name here, because Gervaise has a line to speak before your direction: "Come in." This actually isn't as important, but since there are some other edits to be made, I'd like it if this could be corrected too.
Please double-check the spacing between your lines. Some of them are perfect, but at times you seemed to get in a hurry and speak the lines too close together, which makes editing more difficult. The first instance of this is around 1:08, "WAR. regards it for a few moments in silence. Uncovers the clay." I won't list each instance, but please make sure you have 3-5 seconds between each of your lines.
2:35 "Colonel Gervaise preventing him" You are missing the "Colonel" here, which is important for distinguishing between father and son.
3:03 Missed line: "Exit. Colonel Gervaise resumes..." Add "Exit" here.
3:37 "Colonel Gervaise turning" Again, you are missing the "Colonel."

The rest of the act is perfect, except for the pronunciation of "Psyche." In general, pronunciation is not a big deal at LV, but there are times, if a name is significant, when we choose to be more picky. I think this is one of those times. The Psyche (pronounced SIGH-kee) is an important theme in this play and has a very specific meaning (that of the soul) in classical thought. The pronunciation "sike" is sometimes used in English as a very informal and even slightly derogatory shortening of psychology, or psychological effects, so I want to avoid that. Approximate time signatures for each instance of this word are as follows:
4:07
4:35
4:49
5:07
5:24
6:17
7:00
7:52
8:30
9:15

A helpful trick I learned recently is to start at the end of the recording and work your way backwards with the edits. That way, the time signatures I've given won't have changed, and it should be easy to find the places that need work.

I hope these notes are clear. Let me know if not. Again, very well done! Looking forward to the rest!

bluechien · Post by **bluechien** » March 13th, 2018, 12:56 pm

here's the several seconds of third boy:

https://librivox.org/uploads/kitty/ifihadafather_thirdboy_2_128kb.mp3

RajVO · Post by **RajVO** » March 13th, 2018, 4:14 pm

mightyfelix wrote: ↑March 13th, 2018, 11:29 am Very good, Raj, thank you! I think I'm going to like very much having you for our stage directions!

I do have a few notes for you. You had almost no missed lines, but a few things need to be tweaked.

0:40 You said "Gervaise throws a wet cloth over the clay." You actually do not need to state his name here, because Gervaise has a line to speak before your direction: "Come in." This actually isn't as important, but since there are some other edits to be made, I'd like it if this could be corrected too.
Please double-check the spacing between your lines. Some of them are perfect, but at times you seemed to get in a hurry and speak the lines too close together, which makes editing more difficult. The first instance of this is around 1:08, "WAR. regards it for a few moments in silence. Uncovers the clay." I won't list each instance, but please make sure you have 3-5 seconds between each of your lines.
2:35 "Colonel Gervaise preventing him" You are missing the "Colonel" here, which is important for distinguishing between father and son.
3:03 Missed line: "Exit. Colonel Gervaise resumes..." Add "Exit" here.
3:37 "Colonel Gervaise turning" Again, you are missing the "Colonel."

The rest of the act is perfect, except for the pronunciation of "Psyche." In general, pronunciation is not a big deal at LV, but there are times, if a name is significant, when we choose to be more picky. I think this is one of those times. The Psyche (pronounced SIGH-kee) is an important theme in this play and has a very specific meaning (that of the soul) in classical thought. The pronunciation "sike" is sometimes used in English as a very informal and even slightly derogatory shortening of psychology, or psychological effects, so I want to avoid that. Approximate time signatures for each instance of this word are as follows:
4:07
4:35
4:49
5:07
5:24
6:17
7:00
7:52
8:30
9:15

A helpful trick I learned recently is to start at the end of the recording and work your way backwards with the edits. That way, the time signatures I've given won't have changed, and it should be easy to find the places that need work.

I hope these notes are clear. Let me know if not. Again, very well done! Looking forward to the rest!

Thanks Devorah, for the nice feedback.
1. Good that I didn't miss any lines. It's of course very time consuming, to verify that no lines are missed.

2. I didn't record it all at once, so the gaps/ pauses are not the same. Still I tried to leave at least 2 secs, invariably. I'll make it at least 3 secs (to 5 ).
3. I too know of Sigh-kee, but since I said sike for the first time, i tried to be consistent with it.
Sure, I'll re-edit/re-record according to your notes and upload again for PL.