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Post Posted:: January 15th, 2017, 6:57 pm 

Joined: June 8th, 2014, 2:31 pm
Posts: 41
*A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! and they were back home. The brunette wished to be at home with their family. Poof! and they were back home with their family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

*There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore, they swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

*A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says, "I look fat," and dies. The brunette says, " I look skinny," and dies. The blonde says, "I think..." and dies.

*A blonde was at the store, and just as they were heading for their car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" The blonde said, "No, but I got the license plate."

*Did you hear about the blondes that froze to death at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Post Posted:: January 28th, 2017, 2:38 am 

Joined: January 16th, 2017, 4:44 am
Posts: 3
Location: Denmark
I found this one on another board, but really love it:

In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the moment of the accident, 'I'm fine.'" asked the lawyer?

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I did not ask you for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road."

The lawyer interrupted again and said "Judge, I'm trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the judge and proceeded.

"Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

When the highway patrolman came on the scene he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'how are you feeling?'

Now what would you say?"

Post Posted:: January 30th, 2017, 11:26 am 

Joined: November 5th, 2014, 2:35 pm
Posts: 255
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four leaks behind big trees."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," he replied, "I'm just a really lousy golfer."

Why yes there IS a blog about choral singing. Thanks for asking.

Post Posted:: February 4th, 2017, 10:29 am 

Joined: November 5th, 2014, 2:35 pm
Posts: 255
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked ."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

(Some old men can still think fast.)

Why yes there IS a blog about choral singing. Thanks for asking.

Post Posted:: May 14th, 2017, 2:44 pm 

Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Posts: 822
Location: Sydney, Australia
Chocolate comes from cacao.
Which is a tree.
That makes it a plant.
Chocolate is salad!

"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."
My LV catalogue page
Son of the Exiles YouTube Channel

Post Posted:: October 4th, 2017, 6:07 am 

Joined: August 22nd, 2017, 7:22 am
Posts: 15
Did you hear about the frog who parked in the middle of the road?

He got toad away... :mrgreen:

Post Posted:: October 5th, 2017, 7:09 am 

Joined: December 6th, 2010, 5:15 pm
Posts: 439
I went to the zoo yesterday.

They only had one animal.

It was a shitzu.

Post Posted:: October 7th, 2017, 9:23 am 
LibriVox Admin Team

Joined: July 14th, 2008, 4:54 pm
Posts: 11621
Location: Nottawasaga Bay
GROANER(S) for the Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend!

1. What's the most musical part of a turkey?
The drumstick!
2. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
3. What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!
4. What are unhappy cranberries called?
5. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

David Lawrence

* Weekly & Fortnightly Poetry - Check out the Short Works forum for the latest projects!
* The Christmas Hirelings - 7 sections available

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