Tell a joke

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SonOfTheExiles
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Post by SonOfTheExiles » July 11th, 2015, 6:31 pm

The Sales Manager from a Woollen Mill was showing a new junior sales rep the ropes in a rural area of New South Wales.

"Okay, you've had all the sales classes. Now I want you to go up to the farmhouse there and sell them some of our woollen yarns. Old Granny Jones lives here, and she does a lot of knitting. And to make your first sale easier, take this suitcase of yarns here with you. The dye lot wasn't quite accurate, and the wools' shades are a bit off-colour, so you can give a 25% discount."

Up the drive goes the junior salesman. Five minutes later, he comes tearing back down the hill like a startled rabbit.

"What happened?" asked the Sales Manager.

"Blowed if I know", replies the young bloke. "As soon as Mrs Jones opened the door, I said, "Good morning, ma'am. Would you be interested in some off-colour yarns ... and the next thing I know I'm being run off the place with a shotgun!""
"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."
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Kangaroo692
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Post by Kangaroo692 » July 18th, 2015, 6:54 am

Instead of "Kidnapped" by Robert Louis Stevenson, if read literally it is "Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson"

:D

ej400
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Post by ej400 » July 18th, 2015, 9:37 am

why did the booger cross the road?
Because he was being picked!
Only 3 sections left!A Wonder Book For Boys and Girls by Nathaniel Hawthorne viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68168

ej400
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Post by ej400 » July 19th, 2015, 4:15 pm

ej400 wrote:why did the booger cross the road?
Because he was being picked!
I know it's not a good joke.
Only 3 sections left!A Wonder Book For Boys and Girls by Nathaniel Hawthorne viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68168

commonsparrow3
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Post by commonsparrow3 » July 19th, 2015, 5:37 pm

Recently, my dad and I were driving on a stretch of country road when several wild turkeys decided to meander across the road, causing us to slow to a stop and wait for them to pass.

Me: Why did those turkeys cross the road?
Dad: Is this a joke?
Me: No, I was just asking. Why, is it supposed to be a joke?
Dad: It sounded like one.
Me: Okay, then if it's a joke, what's the punch line?

(Pause. Turkeys wander off. Car continues on its way.)

Dad: Set it up again.
Me: Why did the turkeys cross the road?
Dad: Because the duck dared them to play chicken.

(That's my dad.)

Boomcoach
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Post by Boomcoach » July 20th, 2015, 3:48 am

commonsparrow3 wrote:Recently, my dad and I were driving on a stretch of country road when several wild turkeys decided to meander across the road, causing us to slow to a stop and wait for them to pass.

........

(That's my dad.)
That's a guy I could road trip with!
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Post by annise » July 20th, 2015, 4:02 am

ej400 wrote:
ej400 wrote:why did the booger cross the road?
Because he was being picked!
I know it's not a good joke.
Are you trying to increase your post count , or don't you know you can edit your post via the edit button top right hand corner as long as there are no answers ? I do it all the time when I re read my post and find it isn't clear or it has a grammar or spelling goof .

Anne

ej400
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Post by ej400 » July 20th, 2015, 7:14 am

No. It's a good joke, but it also is not.

I don't even care how many post's I have.
Only 3 sections left!A Wonder Book For Boys and Girls by Nathaniel Hawthorne viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68168

aradlaw
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Post by aradlaw » August 20th, 2015, 4:57 am

A police officer called the station on his radio. "I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped." "Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet, the floor's still wet."
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Elizabby
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Post by Elizabby » August 23rd, 2015, 5:32 am

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Impatient cow.

Impatient c... MOOOOoooooo!

(This is my daughter's current favourite joke! We have many impatient animals around here at the moment!)
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SonOfTheExiles
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Post by SonOfTheExiles » September 17th, 2015, 1:38 pm

Recounting an anecdote of our local Anglican Parish in the Insomnia Collection the other day (no, it wasn't to do with any sermon), it occurred to me that I might share the occasional odd anecdote from the ecclesiastical side of Down Under.

The same Rector who I mentioned over in "Insomnia", the one whose family cat used to wander over from the Rectory and sit down the front watching his master deliver the sermon, used to tell about when he was a young assistant priest helping to officiate in the sanctuary. We'll call him 'J'. 'J' is a very small bloke with a low body mass.

Now, when any consecrated wine is left over after Communion, it cannot be thrown away, but must be finished off by the officiating priest and whosoever of the sanctuary party as he invites to assist him.

Now, this particular senior priest had mis-estimated the number of the congregation who would be taking Communion that day, and at the conclusion, had consequently been left with a large chalice still quite full of strong red wine. He walked over to 'J' with the chalice and mumbled something under his breath. 'J' didn't quite hear him clearly, and thought he said something like "Please help me finish this wine off", so he took the chalice and finished off most of what remained.

What the senior priest had actually said to young 'J' was: "If you're not used to strong wine, just take a sip."

'J' maintains to this day that he had to be helped out of the church after the service was over.
"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."
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kayray
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Post by kayray » September 18th, 2015, 7:17 am

Lol!!!
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ej400
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Post by ej400 » September 28th, 2015, 7:37 am

A man named Joe, goes to hell, because he skipped a lot of school.

The Devil says, "Joe you are on level 1 out of 10"

Joe Says, "That doesn't sound bad"

The Devil Says "Heat rises, you would have known that if you did not skip school."
Only 3 sections left!A Wonder Book For Boys and Girls by Nathaniel Hawthorne viewtopic.php?f=28&t=68168

pnagami
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Post by pnagami » September 29th, 2015, 8:59 pm

Nurse to Doctor: "Doctor, the invisible man is in the waiting room."

Doctor to Nurse: "Tell him I can't see him."
"Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

Robert Louis Stevenson

pnagami
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Post by pnagami » September 29th, 2015, 9:04 pm

Why is ten afraid of seven?

Because seven eight nine.
"Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

Robert Louis Stevenson

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