Tell a joke

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lymiewithpurpose
Posts: 2184
Joined: January 18th, 2019, 6:26 pm

Post by lymiewithpurpose »

ej400 wrote: March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.
<groan> :roll:
Campbell
pronouns: they/them
IIparrkerrII
Posts: 5
Joined: January 28th, 2019, 6:39 am

Post by IIparrkerrII »

What do you call a body builder with epilepsy?















Beef jerky
SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2649
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles »

I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
Currently on sabbatical from Librivox
maxgal
Posts: 3247
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal »

ej400 wrote: March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.
:lol:

The version I've heard is:
"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it." :lol:
Last edited by maxgal on November 18th, 2020, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Louise
"every little breeze..."

Fun Fact: 40% of all statistics are wrong.
maxgal
Posts: 3247
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal »

SonOfTheExiles wrote: July 9th, 2019, 3:43 pm I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
This is now one of "my" jokes.
Louise
"every little breeze..."

Fun Fact: 40% of all statistics are wrong.
maxgal
Posts: 3247
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal »

Here's one for all those word nerds (we know who we are):

The past, the present, and the future met in a bar.
It was tense.

(p.s. -- or in a cafe, or in a restaurant, or on a desert island and wearing masks and properly socially distanced)
Louise
"every little breeze..."

Fun Fact: 40% of all statistics are wrong.
maxgal
Posts: 3247
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal »

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipers who sold their souls to Santa?
Louise
"every little breeze..."

Fun Fact: 40% of all statistics are wrong.
maxgal
Posts: 3247
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal »

A guy walks into a saloon and sits at the end of the bar.
On the bar are bowls of the usual salty snacks, peanuts, chips, etc.
The bartender brings him his drink and steps away.
The guy hears a voice say, "Nice tie."
He looks around and sees no one but the bartender at the other end of the bar.
He then hears a voice say, "I like your shirt, too."
He looks around again and sees no one but the bartender.
He calls the bartender over and says, "Look, I don't see anyone else here, but I could swear I just heard someone say, "Nice tie," and "I like your shirt, too."
The bartender smiles and says, "Oh, those are complimentary peanuts."
Louise
"every little breeze..."

Fun Fact: 40% of all statistics are wrong.
SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2649
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles »

Under the new casual-dress code, Lenin’s conservators will henceforth be using informaldehyde.

Cheers,
Chris
Currently on sabbatical from Librivox
mightyfelix
LibriVox Admin Team
Posts: 11082
Joined: August 7th, 2016, 6:39 pm

Post by mightyfelix »

When do event planners have fun?
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Occasionally.
SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2649
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles »

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.
Currently on sabbatical from Librivox
realisticspeakers
Posts: 2033
Joined: December 6th, 2010, 5:15 pm

Post by realisticspeakers »

SonOfTheExiles wrote: January 29th, 2021, 3:31 am What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.
An electron walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The electron says, "I'm trying to come out of my shell."
Truth exists for the wise, Beauty for a feeling heart: They belong to each other. - Beethoven
Disclaimer:
"Kind reader, if this our performance doth in aught fall short of promise, blame not our good intent, but our unperfect wit."
Bookworm360
Posts: 856
Joined: December 25th, 2017, 11:23 pm
Location: Below the Paris opera house

Post by Bookworm360 »

Trying to get online at my mother-in-law’s, I scrolled through various internet access names. One neighbor’s really stood out: “You kids get off my LAN!” (Note:this has not really happened to me)
2 Timothy 1:7. Look it up.
Specializing in Middle-Earth🧝‍♀️, classics📖, and art🎨🖌
DeonEva
Posts: 4
Joined: February 2nd, 2021, 3:27 am

Post by DeonEva »

I have some jokes that are so bad they actually get good ...
enjoy :mrgreen:
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.
What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
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