[COMPLETE] How To Write Short Stories (with samples), by Ring Lardner - thw

[msfry]

I highly recommend you cut your teeth first on some shorter pieces (like 1500 words/10 minutes or less).

I'll look for something short to start with, and make way for someone else on sections 11 & 12. Thanks for the good advice!

You're welcome, and I'll see you around the LV playground!

[BenPrince]

Hi there! Here is my crack at Chapter 9, "Harmony" -

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_17_lardner_128kb.mp3 (19:20)

https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_18_lardner_128kb.mp3 (15:54)

Cheers!

Ben

[msfry]

Thanks, Ben. I look forward to listening.

[msfry]

Section 17 and 18 are PL OK.

Good morning, Ben. I thoroughly enjoyed your reading of Harmony, including your singing, and the southern accent! It was not an easy story to deliver on with all those twists, turns and character accents, particularly it being your first contribution to LV, and it was a long story to edit too. You did a 100% magnificent job! So glad to have you on the project.

[BenPrince]

Section 17 and 18 are PL OK.

Good morning, Ben. I thoroughly enjoyed your reading of Harmony, including your singing, and the southern accent! It was not an easy story to deliver on with all those twists, turns and character accents, particularly it being your first contribution to LV, and it was a long story to edit too. You did a 100% magnificent job! So glad to have you on the project.

Oh wow, thank you so much! I really enjoyed doing it! I didn't know if the singing or the accent(s) would work, so I'm relieved and gratified that they did!

[adrianstephens]

Hello Michael,
Can I take 9 and 10 please?

Thanks,
Adrian

[adrianstephens]

Hello Michel,
Can I take 9 and 10 please?

Thanks,
Adrian

[adrianstephens]

Hello Michele,
Can I take 9 and 10 please?

Thanks,
Adrian

[msfry]

Thank you Adrian. 9 and 10, "Champion", are yours.
Please notice the little prologue before the story begins, and also letting you know that the slaughtered diction/spelling is Lardner's intentional attempt at humor.

[adrianstephens]

Section 9 for PL
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_09_lardner_128kb.mp3

[adrianstephens]

Thank you Adrian. 9 and 10, "Champion", are yours.
Please notice the little prologue before the story begins, and also letting you know that the slaughtered diction/spelling is Lardner's intentional attempt at humor.

Here's section 10 for PL @ 19:42
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_10_lardner_128kb.mp3

I agree with the commentary. This story was entirely without merit of any kind.

[msfry]

PL Notes on Section 9/Champion, Part 1
Great story so far, though entirely without merit as you say. A few notes:

Your lead is shorter that .5 seconds, which could result in the first word or so being cut off.
INTRO: 0-1:07, is at about 82 db, very quiet. Could use a boost Amplify +5
9:45 Emma's brother and the prettiest little thing in Milwaukee, and is missing (implying Emma's brother is pretty).
11:45 having a sizeable account at each place, you say amount.
17:12,17:32 and a 3 other places prior to it that I did not notate) chanct is chance with a t at the end, not chankt. I don't think listeners will get what "chankt" is. Of course, neither word is in the dictionary.

I am giving you a chanct here to fix this, but only if you want to sound pretty.

[msfry]

PL Notes on Section 10/Champion, Part 2
A few morenotes:
INTRO: 0-1:37, averages about 83 db, very quiet. Could use a boost Amplify +4
2:00 the baby has not been well a day, not is missing
13:35-40 chanct, chanct twice in one sentence.

[adrianstephens]

PL Notes on Section 9/Champion, Part 1
Great story so far, though entirely without merit as you say. A few notes:

Your lead is shorter that .5 seconds, which could result in the first word or so being cut off.
INTRO: 0-1:07, is at about 82 db, very quiet. Could use a boost Amplify +5
9:45 Emma's brother and the prettiest little thing in Milwaukee, and is missing (implying Emma's brother is pretty).
11:45 having a sizeable account at each place, you say amount.
17:12,17:32 and a 3 other places prior to it that I did not notate) chanct is chance with a t at the end, not chankt. I don't think listeners will get what "chankt" is. Of course, neither word is in the dictionary.

I am giving you a chanct here to fix this, but only if you want to sound pretty. :mrgreen:

Hello, here's the update for spot PL
https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_09_lardner_128kb.mp3

A couple of observations:
1. I use 0.5s lead-in, and you're the first PL to state this is too short. I'll use 1s from now one.
2. Made changes as indicated. I rendered "chanct" as "chance". It is not a word, although Google does know of one use in Mississippi.
I realize you noticed the other uses and decided not to report them, then I hit your threshold at the 4th and you noted that and the 5th.
Finding the other occurences took several minutes apiece. "and 3 other places" is the PL equivalent of "go figure".

Best Regards,
Adrian

[adrianstephens]

PL Notes on Section 10/Champion, Part 2
A few morenotes:
INTRO: 0-1:37, averages about 83 db, very quiet. Could use a boost Amplify +4
2:00 the baby has not been well a day, not is missing
13:35-40 chanct, chanct twice in one sentence.

Read for spot PL. https://librivox.org/uploads/toddhw/howtowriteshortstories_10_lardner_128kb.mp3
Thank you.