silverquill wrote: ↑
May 3rd, 2018, 10:26 am
Made a second edit and a final pass on Act 1 stage directions. Caught one missed line, so I hope there aren't others. I have first edit done on Act II, so it will be in soon.
great, Larry, thank you so much for having a go at yet another lengthy Pinero stage directions. This author has problems keeping himself short LOL
on the whole it's excellently narrated again, I always love when you're already conveying the emotions of the actors in your directions.
I found only a few things that you missed in the main act, here is the list:
> at 0:23
: you forgot the whole dramatis personae
. In case some readers forget to hand in the full credits, we need the narrator to read those. I agree, most of the time it’s not necessary, and a few of them we have already in, but just in case.
Could you say all this please:
Dramatis Personae / Agnes Ebbsmith, read by / Lucas Cleeve, read by / Sybil Cleeve, read by / Sir Sandford Cleeve, read by / The Duke of St. Olpherts, read by / Mrs Gertrude Thorpe, read by / Rev. Amos Winterfield, read by / Sir George Broderick, read by / Dr. Kirke, read by / Fortune, a manservant, read by / Antonio Poppi, Venetian servant, read by / Nella, Venetian servant, read by / Hephizbah, Lady's maid, read by / Stage directions, read by Larry Wilson
> also missing right after that is the general scene description: The Scene is laid in Venice—first at the Palazzo Arconati, a lodging house on the Grand Canal; afterwards in an apartment in the Campo S. Bartolomeo.
> at 0:30
: here you could repeat “The First Act
” once again, now that the play is really starting after the preliminaries
> at 6:22
(to Sir George and Kirke) – forgot Agnes
> at 19:13
: [FORTUNE withdraws. Reading the note aloud.] – although it’s not written here, I think we need to say “Lucas
, reading the note aloud” to point out it’s not Fortune doing this
> at 19:53
: “He throws his head back and laughs heartily.” – this is actually Lucas speaking, you can cut that part out
thank you, great start. Looking forward to the rest.